(INTERACTING WITH THE NOT-SO-WELL-OFF), BIRTHDAY BOOK 2020
祖哈克 祖齐弗里：恻隐之心 人皆有之（如何与贫困人士交流）
“The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn’t indicate or promise, and which the other kind of eye couldn’t detect.” Mark Twain
一般人只看得见事物的表面，并且会以此判断一个人或一件事。但是，拥有恻隐之心的人却能看透一个人的心灵，可以看见外表以外的东西，而这是一般人做不到的。—— 马克吐温
In recent times, the invisible, marginalised poor have been revealed to Singapore. Their realities are removed from idealised visions of a first-world utopia some of us hold to. Mark Twain talks about the “seeing eyes”, a sight that is able to read “the heart and the soul.” In this essay, I want to focus on how we can manifest compassion by adopting Twain’s formulation of sight-as-interaction. In particular, I wish to discuss a subtle variety of compassion in interactions with those who are not well-off. Through this act of “seeing”, I hope that we can cultivate an understanding of the underprivileged “other”. To me, this is integral to not just the cultivation of a more compassionate home, but to the notion of seeing things with clarity.
一直以来，我们身边都存在着一些我们视而不见，被边缘化的贫困人士，近年来，他们渐渐受到国人重视。新加坡被一些国人视为第一世界的“乌托邦”，在我们眼中是繁荣的乐土，但是，贫困人士的存在却推翻了这个理想化的形象。马克吐温曾说，带着恻隐之心是可以看透一个人的心灵的，在这篇文章中，我想要通过马克吐温这个“以恻隐之心来交流”的说法，谈谈我们可以如何培养自己的同情心，特别是各种各样与贫困人士微妙的相处之道。我希望通过恻隐之心，我们能更好地理解这些贫困人士。对我来说，这不仅能打造一个更有同情心的新“家”坡，也能更清楚地看透一个人的心灵。
Sometimes, we may find ourselves in a group with others who
may not share the same level of privilege. You might unintentionally slide into a discussion about a luxury which others do not have the chance to enjoy. Perhaps it’s the trip you had over the vacation, or some really delicious food at that new cafe in town. It could also be complaints — how your salary is not enough for you to get that handbag, or how your parents should be increasing your allowance.
有时候，我们可能会和与我们相比之下较为贫困的人来往。你可能会不经意分享自己的假期旅行，或者分享自己去城市里新开张的咖啡厅时品尝到的美食—— 而这些对有些人来说可能是遥不可及的奢侈。你可能也会不经意发牢骚，如自己的薪水不够买自己想要的包包，或者是父母应该多给你一些零用钱之类的。
Be aware of the silent one, or the one who smiles awkwardly, or the one who brushes it off by saying “oh it is alright!” or “I am fine, please don’t worry about it.” It is not simply about everyone sharing the same experience. Instead, the lack of access to these experiences due to their unaffordability can exclude someone from the experience itself. These things are not necessarily limited to material pleasures. It could be having parents who are still married to one another, or having family members who care for you, or having a place to return to at the end of a long and difficult day.
这时候，留意一下自己身边，有没有沉默的，或者尴尬地笑着的，或者嘴上说“哦，我没事！别担心！”假装没事的人。这不只是你想象的“每个人分享相同的经历”那么简单，毕竟不是每个人都一样富裕，不是每一个人都可以享有同样的经历。而拥有这些经历，不但说明你拥有物质享受的幸福，也显示了你拥有完整的家庭、拥有关心着自己的家人、又或者是拥有在艰辛的一天后还可以回到的家。
We should always be mindful that others may not come from the same background as ourselves. This may seem like common sense, but common sense may not be so common when we fall into the habits of the everyday cultures in which we find ourselves. This cannot be an excuse to be complacent or to dismiss it. Rather, we can cultivate this awareness, which will only grow in strength. If you can do simple mental sums, then you can surely do this.
我们应该意识到不是每个人的家庭背景都和我们的相同，这听起来像是常识，但是当我们习以为常，习焉不察，我们可能就把这么简单的一个的道理给忘了，甚至以此作为借口，觉得无伤大雅。我们应该具备这样的知觉、培养这样的意识，使之根深蒂固。这比简单的心算还容易，肯定难不倒你。
So you’ve realised you’ve entered a conversation that is not inclusive. What do you do? Change the topic. Change it to something which everyone can participate in. It is not so difficult. But don’t make the situation awkward, especially for the individual. This might happen if you give others looks or abruptly stop the conversation. Instead, opt to turn the conversation away and enter a new realm of discussion as naturally as possible — sometimes, the kindest acts of conversations simply begin with “Can we talk about something else?”.
所以，如果你发现自己和别人在谈话中把一些人排除在外，该怎么做呢？最佳方法就是转移话题，改谈一些每个人都能参与的话题。这不难办到，但我们必须尽可能地自然转换话题，有时候，简单的一句“我们可以说些别的吗？”就可以成完成这个善举。但是千万别给别人使眼色，或者是突然终止谈话，这只会把场面弄得尴尬，尤其会让那个被排除在外的人感到无所适从。
Don’t apologise to the individual. Apologising just makes things worse because you indirectly single them out as a “problem.” Ironically, it contributes to a sense of alienation for those individuals. There is a place for apologies but this immediate situation is not one of them. Rather, a more gracious thing to do is to apologise personally after the whole thing.
也别跟对方道歉。道歉只意味着你间接地把他当成了一个问题，孤立了他，这只会使他感到更加不适。道歉可以，但得抓住对的时机。与其当场道歉，不如在整件事过后私下向他道歉，这才合乎社会礼仪。
You might also know a person who is not well-off, to whom you would love to give a treat. This is a nice thing to do. But even in such interactions, there has to be a degree of grace, subtlety, and consideration. Here’s a useful rule I call the “Rule of Self-inclusion”. Whenever you want to treat someone to something, be it having a nice meal or going out to do an activity, include yourself in every aspect of it.
你可能因为对方经济能力不好，所以想请他吃饭。但这样的善良举动或好意，还是必须做得得体，顾及对方的面子和感受，不能表现得过于明显。当你想要请客时，可运用我所谓的“成为局内人原则“。比如说，当你想邀请他人一起用餐或外出时，你自己就必须是”局内人“。
What do I mean by this? I think it be useful to illustrate this by way of treating someone to food (yes, that Singaporean passion). Instead of buying specific portions of food, you can order a variety of different food items and share it with everyone. In this way, you “include” yourself into the treat, and shift the attention away from the individual you are treating. You not only avert any feelings of discomfort or indebtedness (“make people feel paiseh”), you also enrich the experience by sharing and partaking in a meal with them because the social lines are blurred at the dinner table.
我的意思是：比如说，当我们想请对方吃顿饭时（对，新加坡人就是爱吃！），与其特定买一份给对方，不如买各种不同的食品和大家一起享用。这样一来，自己也是“局中一员“，注意力就不会集中在你想请客的人身上。这不仅仅可以避免让当事者感到局促或者是欠你一份人情，而且大家一起享用美食也是很好的经验，毕竟菜一上桌，什么社会地位差异全都会被抛诸脑后。
As far as possible, do not deny the opportunity for the other party to treat you in return. You may feel that they need the money more, but accepting the treat can actually be the kinder gesture. It is in your receiving that a bit of self-dignity is restored for them.
我们也应该尽可能地接受另一方的回请。你可能会认为他们很需要钱，所以不应该请客，但其实，接受人家的回请其实能帮助他们挽回自尊，因此这反而是更为善良的举动。
When we engage with discussions on poverty, we should not assume to know better than the underprivileged about their condition. We do not presume to tell doctors how to do their jobs. In that vein, we should not prescribe solutions or pass value judgements on those not as fortunate as ourselves, especially if we have not undergone such experiences.
当我们聊起关于贫困的话题时，我们不应该自以为比贫困的弱势群体本身更了解他们的情况。就像我们看医生时不会告诉医生他们应该如何工作，我们也不应该自以为是地跟他们提出脱贫方法，或者对他们评头品足，毕竟我们没有亲身经历，无法体会他们的处境。
And even if we have, we should be aware that not all poverties are the same, with different complexities and considerations. Do not cite statistics, figures, number, citations, studies, surveys, and technical jargon; nobody cares. A better approach is to listen to each individual story. Ultimately, human experiences cannot be quantified. Instead of trying to justify our notions of the nature of poverty, we should instead learn to talk less, and listen more to the poor with a beautiful patience.
而且就算我们有贫困的经历，这不代表所有贫困是一样的。每一种贫困都有其复杂之处，难以一概而论。不要提什么统计、数据、研究、调查、专业术语，那些不重要。人的经历是不能量化的。所以与其辩解我们对贫困的认知，我们应该学会少说话，多聆听，耐心地聆听每个人的故事，这样会更有用。
Only by listening, can we cultivate “seeing eyes.”
只有聆听，我们才能培养恻隐之心。
Teacher’s Comments: It is interesting that you choose to use “domestication”（归化法） and translate “seeing eyes” as “恻隐之心”. I think that this translation fits the context of the story quite well, but if you want to keep the word “eye” in your translation, you can also consider using “慧眼“.
Empathy by Zulhaqem Zulkifli
Translated by Denise Melody Goh (21-U6)
Eudaimonia 